Adoption is Hard Archives

A Different Life, Not a Better Life

BPetersonDesign2022-10-18T16:51:00-07:00October 19, 2021|Adoption Advisor, Adoption Education, Adoption is Hard, Adoption Perspectives, Domestic infant adoption, Hoping to Adopt, Open Adoption (Learn)|

I can’t help but focus on this key phrase now that I know more, now that I’ve spent five years listening to adoptees’ voices, particularly those adoptees that experience serious discontent with their adoptions. The phrase that hits me hard as the truth now: Different isn’t better. An adoptive parent may be able to offer a more financially stable home, more opportunities for education, extracurricular activities and travel. But, the trade off to that is that there was still maternal separation and that child will likely experience trauma and loss due to their adoption, in a transracial adoption, there might also be loss associated with separation from their culture. So that child’s life will definitely be different, the adoptee will face different hardships after an adoption than they would have had in their biological home, but there will be hardships nonetheless. Click here to read more on Katie’s reflections.

Birthday Reflections

BPetersonDesign2022-03-30T18:05:40-07:00October 18, 2021|Adoption Advisor, Adoption Education, Adoption is Hard, Domestic infant adoption, Open Adoption (Learn)|

In this blog post, I (Tessa Reagan Vilte, Purl Adoption Advisor) share reflections on my sons first birthday. Birthdays in a family built by adoption can be different, there is a lot more weight and emotion that goes into them. In this post I share how this birthday, the whirlwind that was my child’s’ first year, the grief I was holding for him, his story and his birth mom caught up with me. Click here to read more of Tessa’s reflections on this day.

What NOT to do when you’re chosen…

BPetersonDesign2022-03-30T18:09:01-07:00July 8, 2021|Adoption Advisor, Adoption Education, Adoption is Hard, Adoption Process, Hoping to Adopt|

If you’ve been following us awhile, you’ll notice that a lot of our Purl families have recently been chosen as prospective adoptive parents by an expectant family considering adoption for their child. Being “chosen” is a necessary step in adoption. But if it comes before the time consents are signed, it is just one step in an adoption plan that may never come to fruition. For that reason, I am always very cautious about what a prospective adoptive family does when they are chosen by an expectant family. In fact, here are some things I DO NOT think you should do once you are chosen. Click here to read more.

It’s not about you…and you will likely be uncomfortable

BPetersonDesign2022-03-31T10:02:00-07:00June 10, 2021|Adoption Disruption, Adoption Education, Adoption is Hard, Adoption Perspectives, Adoption Process, Domestic infant adoption, Hoping to Adopt, Infertility, Transracial Adoption (Learn)|

If you’re starting the adoption journey you might not realize that the rest of this journey WILL NOT be about you. You might have endured a lot of pain to get here, infertility, failed IUI or IVF cycles, failed embryo adoption or surrogacy. Really, really tough stuff. But I’m going to tell you something difficult to hear, most likely if you are here now and pursuing domestic infant adoption: your mindset will now have to immediately shift and all your decisions from here need to be about your future child through adoption (the adoptee) and what is best for them. You need to be able to justify every decision you make, and feel comfortable telling your future child the decisions you made and steps you took to adopt. To read more, click here.

Who Should Consider Embryo Adoption?

BPetersonDesign2022-04-05T14:32:37-07:00June 1, 2021|Adoption Advisor, Adoption Education, Adoption is Hard, Adoption Process, Embryo Donation/Adoption, Hoping to Adopt, Infertility|

The domestic infant adoption world has changed significantly in the last few years, but particularly since the pandemic began. There are less domestic adoption opportunities and many more prospective adoptive families waiting to adopt than usual. In many ways that is positive, if it means that pregnant moms are able to parent their children. But it can be very difficult for families looking to grow their families through adoption. Because of that, many families have turned to embryo donation/adoption, another assisted reproduction method to grow a family, but potentially at lower cost and with different risks than traditional infant adoption. There are hundreds of thousands of frozen embryos nationwide, with many available immediately for closed to open donation/adoption for families able to carry a pregnancy to term. So the question is, who can potentially find success with embryo donation/adoption? This article will give you some factors to consider when deciding if embryo donation/adoption is right for you.

What about Embryo Adoption?

BPetersonDesign2022-06-08T13:54:04-07:00April 16, 2021|Adoption Advisor, Adoption is Hard, Adoption Process, Domestic infant adoption, Embryo Donation/Adoption, Hoping to Adopt, Infertility|

Today, we are sharing our own experience researching and pursuing embryo adoption after our first adoption opportunity disrupted. We are sharing this in part to educate you on embryo adoption as a potential option to grow your family, which can work for many families who have experienced infertility. But we are also considering offering a limited coaching package to guide families through their options associated with embryo adoption and then help them navigate the embryo adoption process, assuming domestic infant adoption is not the right route for them. Click here to read more and to share your thoughts on whether this service is currently needed in this space.

“Zimmerman Day”, our Finalization Day

BPetersonDesign2022-03-30T18:30:48-07:00April 8, 2021|Adoption Advisor, Adoption Education, Adoption is Hard, Adoption Perspectives, Domestic infant adoption, Hoping to Adopt, Open Adoption (Learn)|

Cora’s adoption was finalized on April 7, 2016, a day we coin “Zimmerman Day” in our home. Unlike some other adoptive families, we grew our family through adoption first, and then through a surprise pregnancy that led to our daughter Raelyn 8 months later. So when it came time to decide if/how we were going to celebrate Cora’s adoption finalization day, I struggled to find a way to celebrate what was an important day in our family, at the same time not leaving out our younger daughter, who didn’t have a corresponding day. We came up with “Zimmerman Day”, the day that our whole family shares the same last name. It isn’t a big holiday around our house, there are no gifts, no special hats or tiaras, but there is one messy homemade cake with a big Z on it, and as many sprinkles as will stick to it (which for the record is A LOT). Both of my girls get so excited to help make the cake and help decorate it, and the grandparents usually come over for dinner and cake. I don’t know how Cora is going to feel about this day when she’s older and has had time to understand the significance of it, but for now she loves another day between everyone’s birthdays to celebrate our family. Click here to learn more, and to learn what I think of the term “forever family” day…

The Impact of COVID-19 on Adoption Today

BPetersonDesign2022-03-30T18:31:44-07:00April 2, 2021|Adoption Advisor, Adoption Education, Adoption is Hard, Adoption Outreach, Adoption Process, Domestic infant adoption, Hoping to Adopt|

If you’ve been following us awhile, you may have read our updates over the past year on the impact of COVID-19 on adoption. If you missed them, you can check out our first update in late March 2020 and a later update in July 2020. Now that more and more people are getting vaccinated and many states have reopened, you are likely interested in knowing how COVID-19 is continuing to impact adoptions. Here is a quick post to consider the status of adopting in and after a pandemic. Click here to learn more.

I’ve always wanted to adopt…but where do I begin?

BPetersonDesign2023-07-19T16:12:45-07:00March 31, 2021|Adoption Advisor, Adoption Education, Adoption Home Study, Adoption is Hard, Adoption Process, Domestic infant adoption, Hoping to Adopt|

We often get contacted by prospective adoptive families just starting the adoption process, or families that started down the road to adopt, and have realized they were on the wrong track. So, this blog post helps you with some basic information to get started in adoption and three basic things to consider when beginning an adoption journey: 1) What type of adoption is right for your family, 2) Research, Research, Research, and 3) Have you grieved your infertility? Click here to read more.

An Adoptive Mom’s Hope for an Open Adoption

BPetersonDesign2022-03-30T18:34:30-07:00March 25, 2021|Adoption Education, Adoption is Hard, Adoption Perspectives, Domestic infant adoption, Open Adoption (Learn)|

An adoptive mom and guest blogger anonymously shares her hopes for an open adoption.

It has been two years since I’ve seen my daughter’s birth mother. Two years since I’ve heard from her. We had as open of an adoption as you can imagine. We shared with one another. She was gracious in including me every step of the way. I made her OB appointments, I drove her to them, she allowed me next to her for every exam, every decision that was made. We talked about our pasts, our dreams, our futures, our fears. I had the privilege of coaching her through childbirth and welcoming our daughter into the world together. But then things changed, click here to read more.

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