You get chosen by an expectant family considering adoption for their child! Such amazing news and one of the major milestones in the domestic adoption journey. Many families have long waits and MANY presentations before they get to this point. But what is next? And what does being chosen really mean? Being chosen just means that you are one step closer to a child, and while it is a major milestone, that child may never actually be yours.
Domestic infant adoption can be really expensive. I wrote about the variability in the adoption costs awhile back in detail, but generally adoption costs vary by state and by the type of professionals that are involved in your adoption (agency, attorneys, etc.). Adoptive Families conducts a survey of average adoption costs every two years, and found that in 2016-17, the average total adoption cost for an Agency Adoption was $43,239, and the average total cost for an attorney adoption was $37,829. This includes home study, advisor and post placement costs, but obviously greatly exceeds the Adoption Tax Credit numbers for 2020 of $14,300 (and it phases out for families with modified adjusted gross income of $214,520).
Once you’ve figured out your preferences in your adoption, what is next? The dreaded adoption wait. If you’re working with an adoption advisor like Purl, you’re likely getting on the waitlist for many different attorneys and agencies. You might be including some adoption outreach, hoping to connect with an expectant family that way. You are then waiting for an expectant family to choose you or find you through your outreach, typically speeding up your adoption journey. But it can take only a few weeks or months, or even a few years to be selected, but your chances are much better in a multi-faceted approach (in fact, none of our Purl families have waited over a year to match with an expectant family).
Are you a prospective adoptive parent that is waiting for an attorney or agency to match you with an expectant family considering adoption for their child? Are you a couple who isn’t totally comfortable self-matching or advertising yourself online, or maybe paid advertising isn’t legal in your state? I always encourage my Purl families who are home study approved to at least do what I call “Adoption Outreach Light”, which basically means that you are spreading the word to friends, families and colleagues that you are hoping to adopt, but maybe not doing any sort of active marketing or paid advertising. I encourage my Purl families to give their contacts a simple way to pass along more information about their family in the event they learn of someone facing an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption for their child (ie. a copy of a short profile or a link to a website where they can learn more). Adoptions that result from friends and family connections can be great opportunities for prospective adoptive parents and expectant families, and are often much less expensive than adopting through an adoption agency.
As I spoke about in my post from a few days ago (here), the domestic adoption process is so awkward in that you are essentially saying yes or no to a child. Sometimes you are doing it just by setting preferences in your adoption, but sometimes you’re actually reviewing a summary of an adoption opportunity and saying yes or no as to whether to present your family profile to the expectant family considering adoption for that child. When prospective adoptive parents start to consider their adoption preferences, many have no idea what they should say when adoption professionals ask what types of circumstances they would consider. Here are just a few of the things you should research and educate yourself on as you determine your adoption preferences, as well as some resources for helping you navigate these decisions.
One of the things that I like least about the domestic infant adoption process is that prospective adoptive parents are basically saying yes or no to a child. Most people outside the adoption community might not realize that prospective adoptive parents basically set their “adoption preferences” and decide what types of adoption opportunities they want to see and have the opportunity “present” to.
I’ve heard of a few circumstances lately where prospective adoptive parents act entitled to the child they have been chosen for, both before and after the birth of the child, but before consents are signed. This is one area I feel like prospective adoptive parents pursuing domestic infant adoption need the most education on - the respect and love that is required for any expectant mother they come into contact with in their adoption journey, and ultimately for the birth mother for their child.
We are so thrilled to feature a new home study approved Washington Purl family, Joe and Pam! They are an active couple who passionately wants to have a growing family and share their lives and experiences with children. They love to travel and can’t wait to take their little ones on their adventures! Joe and Pam met on a very cold Seattle night in 2014, and they were married in 2016. They love to spend time with their extended families, and can’t wait to add a little one to the fold. To learn more about them, click here.
Words matter because words can hurt…Most people who use negative adoption terminology have no idea what they are saying about adoption could be insensitive or hurtful, and instead insensitive comments or questions are made used due to ignorance, curiosity and interest in adoption and the adoption process. But during this National Adoption Awareness Month, we are trying to educate on all aspects of adoption, and that includes the best way to communicate about adoption. So here is a short post on some of the negative adoption language frequently used, why/how it is considered negative and a better alternative to use in conversation.
Are you considering adoption as a way to grow your family, but you have no idea really where to begin? This post will help you better understand the process of adopting a child domestically in the United States. But adoption is not all cupcakes and rainbows and it is important to understand all facets of adoption, from many different perspectives, to determine if it is the right way to grow your family.
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Purl Adoption Advisory are professional adoption advisors and not adoption facilitators.
The adoption advisory services that may be provided to you by Purl Adoption Advisory, LLC if you become a client are not legal services. Although the Founder/CEO Katie Zimmerman is a licensed, active attorney in the State of Arizona, in providing these adoption advisory services she is not providing legal services and is not serving as your lawyer. As a result, a client-lawyer relationship will not exist, which means that the Arizona Rules of Professional Conduct that relate to the client-lawyer relationship do not apply, including any protections normally afforded as part of a client-lawyer relationship. If you contact us via our form, you are not creating an attorney-client relationship.
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